The Confused Musings of a 20-something: Dating Part 2

This is the second dating post following on from the previous blog about blind dates. This is for all of you out there who become Obsessive Compulsive over-Thinkers after going on a date, or lets be honest here, even dare I admit it before the first date.

From a girl’s perspective it is pretty hard after a successful first date to play it cool, for some reason everything matters so much more now. Did you make a good impression? Did I say anything embarrassing? I wonder what he/she thought of me? Did I talk about things which are too personal? Literally, sometimes you cannot get these questions out of your head! Or maybe if the date was unsuccessful you aren’t having these worries at all…haha

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I think the above is pretty normal! But on more than one occasion I have definitely become a bit obsessive about a guy after meeting up. It’s only natural to check them out on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram especially in this new age where we put our whole lives online for other people to see. Some people have hundreds of followers and hundreds of posts, and if you have a couple of hours to spare or your bored in the library, having a good old stalk can be the highlight of your day, or just a great time waster!

But you know what guys and girls, even though it is so easy and understandable to become a bit OCT, it isn’t going to do you any favours. If you aren’t talking to the guy/girl that much after your date, even though you might have been chatting a lot before, don’t panic!!!! There are probably a million reasons why genuinely, sometimes this is when OCT starts to kick in.

Playing it cool can be more difficult than you would think, and its bloody annoying to hear everyone tell you to  “play the game”. But unfortunately that is how the dating scene works. If a guy never speaks to you again, and I have had that after a blind date (that I thought went well haha clearly not!) you just have to pick yourself up, remember you have only known that person five minutes. I always shrug it off and just say, “Oh well, never mind, on to the next!!”

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But from my experience, and I don’t mind sharing it with you, here are a few quite common sense pointers to play it cool. I don’t claim to be an expert in this field, my friends would think otherwise. But these are some of the things I notice myself doing, that I know i shouldn’t be. Firstly you’ ve got to take a step back from it all, STOP reading your previous conversations, STOP going on their Instagram, STOP looking on Tinder/Happn/Luxe to see when they were last active. This is just going to drive you more crazy!

You know how the old saying goes, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, just leave the conversation alone, in a day or two he/she might remember they haven’t spoken to you in a few days. BUT – if you don’t hear from the person for a few days after the first date, they aren’t interested. More fool them I say! Don’t worry guys and gals there is someone out there absolutely bloody perfect for you, you just haven’t crossed paths with them yet (pardon the pun!), so you know what get back on Happn or go to that house party that you were making excuses about.

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Everyone is a sucker for love, and for some of us (including me) there seems to be this never-ending cycle of not the most successful dates you’ve ever been on. But you know what fellow singletons we are not missing out on anything you do realise, it is just as much fun being single as being in a relationship, and certainly much cheaper!

Maybe you need to have a little think here too, if you feel like you are always dealing with unsuccessful dates, and the feeling of deflation when things don’t work out. Then maybe you should take a little break from dating? That’s what I have decided to do at the moment, have a little me time, reassess what I actually want to get out of the dating game. I always believe that if you have the right attitude you give off the right energy, and you will get what you want. So if your starting to feel a bit desperate, that is the energy you are going to give off to the people around you.

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Alternatively, If you feel like all hope is lost, and your are in a very dire miserable situation, or even if your not, go and buy this tub of ben and jerry’s in the supermarket.

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And let’s be BRUTALLY HONEST, I am still sat here looking at my phone, YES FINE god knows how many times I have pressed the Home Button in the last 10 mins to see if I have any new messages.

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